YOU WERE WORKING AS A WAITRESS IN A COCKTAIL BAR... WHEN I MET YOU.

MMM~

If treenuts are your testicles, is the almond butter i have on my desk your semenal fluid?
Anonymous

NONONONONONONONONONONONONO

NNNNOOOOOOO

NO

*snipes creepnon, and shouts from a distance* FUCK YOU IN PARTICULAR, CREEPNON.

HHHHHHH

standbywarrior:

NO, I JUST MEANT NOT BEING DRAGGED AROUND BY MY WINGS. ALTHOUGH… THEY’RE STILL WRAPPED UP, SO I DON’T KNOW IF THEY’VE EVEN BEEN HEALED SINCE I DIED. LAST TIME I LOOKED AT THEM WAS BEFORE I DIED, AND THERE WAS A BAD INFECTION. SO… MAYBE HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO START PEELING AWAY TO LOOK, BECAUSE IT MIGHT NOT BE PRETTY AND FLUFFY. ):B BLAH BLAH, THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I’M NOT ONE. I’M NOT GOING TO DIE IF I SEE HIM WITH FUCKED UP HAIR, SO LET HIM BE A BRAT AND LEARN HIS LESSON. TIME SHENANIGANS ARE WEIRD. OH. DO YOU MEAN… DO YOU MEAN TREEKAT’S MATESPRIT NOW, OR ONE OF HIS MATESPRITS FROM BEFORE…? THAT’S WEIRD, AND WHY I REFUSE TO TALK TO ANY OF MY PAST OR FUTURE VERSIONS. THEY ALL SUCK, AND I DON’T WANT TO FUCK AROUND WITH TIME STUFF. I WOULDN’T HAVE DIED. I WAS OLDER, MORE EXPERIENCED. IT WAS AN EASY JOB. I COULD HAVE GONE, IT SHOULDN’T HAVE EVER HAPPENED. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO SAVE THEM ALL, SO DON’T YOU DARE TRY AND SAY IT’S NOT MY FAULT.

I FEEL BAD BECAUSE MY THROWING A TANTRUM CAUSES OTHER PEOPLE TO FREAK OUT. I WOULD RATHER SUFFER FOR TRUSTING IN PEOPLE THAN SUFFER FOR BITTERLY CLUTCHING MY HEART AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE. BECAUSE THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE, AND I WANT TO MEET THEM, AND I WANT TO BE WITH THEM. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT A GOOD PERSON, I CAN ATTEMPT TO REDEEM MYSELF BY BEING A BETTER PERSON, AND HELPING THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD CONTINUE ON. YEAH. EXACTLY. I CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT THE TEA, BUT I CAN DO PENTAGRAMS AND BLOOD. IF THERE’S ONE THING I’M GOOD AT, IT’S DRAWNG PENTAGRAMS AND BLEEDING OUT. JUST NO NEEDLES. IT DOES. BECAUSE THERE’S SOME TRUTHS THAT JUST EAT AWAY AT YOU THE MORE YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. SO YOU LIE TO YOURSELF, AND THINGS ARE ALRIGHT. THEN THINGS WILL CONTINUE ON BEING OKAY BETWEEN US. I’LL TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT THOUGH, BECAUSE THAT’S JUST WEIRD.

MY FINGER SLIPPED.

THEY MAY HEAL AFTER YOU FIRST REGENERATE. THAT IS, IF THEY’RE INJURED AT ALL. BUT I DON’T THINK HE MINDS. YOUR HAIR IS DRIVING HIM WILD AS IT IS. IT’S A MATTER OF OPINION. NO, NO THAT’S AWFUL. HE’D DESERVE IT, BUT I HAVE TO KEEP HIS HAIR IN PLACE! IT REFLECTS BADLY ON ME. BESIDES, IT HURTS ME TO LOOK AT IT. IT’S HEART WRENCHING. I JUST CAN’T STAND IT. HIS MATESPRIT. HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY MATESPRIT. HE PROMISED WE WOULD BE MATESPRITS WHEN I DIED. BUT WHEN I GOT THERE, HE HAD ALREADY MET TREEKAT. IT WASN’T MY DESTINY ANYMORE. KARKAT. I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT WITH YOU. YOU’RE MY ONLY FRIEND. BUT I REALLY DON’T THINK IT’S YOUR FAULT AND I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD DWELL ON WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE. IT’S ONLY HURTING YOU TO THINK THAT WAY.

THEY SHOULDN’T. THAT’S SELFISH OF THEM. IF YOU’RE UPSET, THEY SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS AND LET YOU CALM DOWN. I DON’T SEE IT THAT WAY. BUT I THINK IT’S A HEALTHY WAY FOR YOU TO THINK. YOU SHOULD KEEP DOING THAT. YOU DESERVE SOME GOOD IN YOUR EXISTENCE. UH… OKAY. SO QUITE LITERALLY LIKE THE GUARDIAN ANGELS YOU READ ABOUT. YOU NEVER KNOW THEM, YET THEY ALWAYS REMAIN TO WATCH OVER AND PROTECT YOU. HE LIKES TREEKAT’S BLOOD. HE LIKES TREEKAT’S… JADE BLOOD… AND BROWN. BUT HE ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR TREEKAT’S PARTICULAR TASTE. I THINK I HAVE THE SAME BLOOD… WELL, YOU COULD HELP IF YOU WANTED WITH CREATING THE WHOLE THING. I DON’T LIE TO MYSELF. BESIDES, IT’S NOTHING I’M TELLING YOU TO DO. I’M FOCUSED ON MY PRICKLY PINE TREE. OH GOD… YES, PLEASE DO THAT… 

standbywarrior

AS LONG AS YOU DON’T DRAG ME BY THE WINGS, IT’S FINE BY ME. NO, I REALLY AM AN IDIOT, I ALSO JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE DIFFERING PERSONALITIES AND OPINIONS. IF HE DOES, I’LL LAUGH AT HIM. IT’S A FOOLPROOF PLAN. HE’LL BE EMBARRASSED, I GET A CHANCE TO LAUGH AT HIM, IT’LL ALL WORK OUT BEAUTIFULLY. WHAT? BUT IF YOU WERE THE ONE WHO JUMPED OUT, THEN WHY WAS HE STILL CONVINCED HE’D BECOME LIKE YOU? AND WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY LEARNED THAT EOULD CHUCK YOU OUT OF YOUR PREEXISTING TIMELINE? I’M GLAD YOU’RE YOU AND HE’S HIMSELF, BUT THIS IS ALL STILL COMPLICATED BEYOND BELIEF. I WAS THERE TO STOP IT. ALL I HAD TO SAY WAS THAT MY NAME WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, AND I COULD HAVE SAVED THEM ALL. I WAS THERE, AND I MADE THE CHOICE TO NOT GO. IT’S MY FAULT, AND I KNOW IT.

THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT DOING IT, AND IT’S HARD TO RELAX WHEN YOU’RE FEELING GUILTY. HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE ISN’T LIKE THAT? I CAN’T SAY I REALLY KNOW. I JUST TRUST MY OWN FEELINGS, AND I HOPE THAT THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BEST FRIEND ISN’T GOING TO KILL YOU? THERE’S NO SURE WAY TO KNOW, BUT YOU CAN TRUST THEM NOT TO. MOST PEOPLE ARE GOOD, AND I TRUST THEM TO BE GOOD. YOU CAN’T JUST LOSE FAITH IN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF A FEW BAD EGGS. NO, IT WOULDN’T BE. YOUR WARD IS SOMEONE YOU HAVE NO CONNECTION TO, AND A GOOD MAJORITY OF THE TIME THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE. GOOD, I’M GLAD I GRABBED THEM THEN. HOPE IT HELPS. THE TRUTH SUCKS. IT ALWAYS DOES. FRIENDS… WELL, FRIENDS DON’T WATCH THEIR FRIEND MACK ON THEIR HATE BOYFRIEND, SO JUST DON’T DO IT.

SORRY, I SLIPPED UP.

TREEKAT’S GONNA TRY AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THE WINGS IF YOU’RE ASLEEP. BUT DON’T WORRY, I’LL PROTECT YOU FROM HIS GRABBY HANDS. NO WINGS WILL BE TOUCHED. BUT I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK YOU’RE AN IDIOT, TREEKAT IS! I WON’T LET HIM. I’LL TACKLE HIM DOWN AND BRUSH HIS HAIR RAPIDLY BEFORE YOU CAN SEE A SINGLE BLACK HAIR OUT OF PLACE. IT’S TOO HIDEOUS. UH… WELL, HE KNOWS HE WON’T TURN INTO ME NOW. BUT NOT BACK THEN. AND… I MET MY MATESPRIT HUNDREDS OF YEARS BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO AND GAINED EMOTIONS AND KNOWLEDGE OF THE FOREST THAT LIVING TREEKAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD BEFORE HIS TIME. YOU DIDN’T KNOW, KARKAT. YOU HAD NO CHANCE. AND EVEN IF YOU WENT, THERE’S A POSSIBILITY YOU ALL WOULD HAVE DIED. YES, I KNOW YOU’D PREFER TO DIE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, BUT YOU LIVED. YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED. I’M SORRY.

BUT YOU SHOULDN’T FEEL GUILTY!!!! THEY’RE THE ONES OVERREACTING! I DON’T KNOW… IT’S TOO HARD TO MAKE OUT WHO A PERSON REALLY IS. I’VE SEEN LITTLE PAST ME TRY AND FAIL. I’VE WATCHED HIM SUFFER FOR TRUSTING TOO MUCH AND MISJUDGING THOSE AROUND HIM. I DON’T WANT TO EXPERIENCE WHAT HE HAS. EVEN IF THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE, I DON’T KNOW THEM. SO I HAVE NOTHING TO MISS. AND I’M HAPPY THAT WAY. SO… LIKE… A STRANGER? IT PROBABLY WILL. HE RESPONDS WELL TO ALTERS AND PENTAGRAMS OF FLUFFY ANIMALS. AND TEA. LOTS OF TEA. MAYBE SOME BLOOD SACRIFICES WILL HELP… I KNOW. BUT PEOPLE HAVE TO BE BRAVE. WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH TO MOVE ON. LYING TO YOURSELF DOES NOTHING BUT HURT YOU LATER. HEY, I DON’T PLAN ON IT!!!! I’LL HEAR ALL ABOUT IT ANYWAY, I’M SURE. ICK…

?????????? 

standbywarrior:

 

APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE IF I ACCIDENTALLY PASS OUT ON YOUR DOORSTEP, BECAUSE THAT WAS KIND OF A THING THAT I DID LAST NIGHT. EXCEPT NOT ON YOUR DOORSTEP. YOU NEVER KNOW. I DON’T BLAME YOU, THAT’S A LOT SAFER THAN BEING AN IDIOT LIKE ME. AHAHA HE’S IMPOSSIBLE. NEXT TIME HE DOES THAT THOUGH, TRY TELLING HIM THAT NOT BRUSHING HIS HAIR MEANS THAT I’LL HAVE BETTER HAIR THAN HIM. IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S A SUREFIRE WAY TO MOTIVATE HIM, IT’S ME BEING BETRER THAN HIM. ESPECIALLY SINCE HE THINKS HE’S OH SO FASHIONABLE, AND I’M REALLY NOT. WELL, THAT’S PROBABLY A GOOD THING, BECAUSE I THINK THE LAST THING THAT SHOULD HAPPEN IS ME GETTING IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE WHO’S TECHNICALLY A VERSION OF TREEKAT. THE FREAKING OUT WOULD NEVER STOP. EVER. HUH, THAT’S STRANGE. HE USED TO TELL ME THAT THERE WAS NO WAY TO SPLIT OFF FROM BECOMING HIS FUTURE SELF THAT HE TALKED TO ALL THE TIMEL BUT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING MEANS THAT YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. BUT I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TO SAVE THEM AND KEEP THEM FROM DYING BUT I’M AN ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT WHO WAS TOO LAZY TO EVEN GO WITH ALL OF HIS FRIENDS.

BUT THAT’S THE THING. IF I’M READY TO TAKE OFF, THAT USUALLY MEANS MY EXPLAINGING SKILLS ARE ABOUT AS GOOD AS THE DIRT IS AT JUMPING ROPE. AND THEN THE FREAKING OUT HAPPENS, AND THINGS GET OUT OF HAND. I… IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN. BECAUSE THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, THE LESS SURE I AM THAT I EVER LOVED MY OLD MATESPRIT. BUT I LIKED THE ATTENTION. I LIKED THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER PERSON THERE WHO COULD UNDERSTAND ME AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME. BUT I NEVER LOVED HER. AND I GUESS SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE SEX. I THINK THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTED, BUT I DON’T REALLY KNOW. THERE’S ALL SORTS OF REASONS, BUT NONE OF THEM ARE ANY GOOD. I DUNNO. I THINK I’LL FIGURE IT OUT WHEN I GET THERE. SORRY, I TEND TO BABBLE AND FORGET THAT NOT EVERYONE’S AN ANGEL. UH, SO GUARDIAN ANGELS USED TO WATCH OVER PEOPLE, IN SPECIFIC, ONE PERSON. THE NAME DOESN’T REALLY TRANSLATE WELL, WHICH IS WHY I USE WARD, BUT THE CLOSEST APPROXIMATION IS THAT THE ONE PERSON IS SOMEONE THAT YOU WATCH OVER AND KEEP SAFE. THAT PERSON IS YOUR WARD. OH. UH, I READ THIS EARLIER, AND I GRABBED A COUPLE OF REALLY FLUFFY BUNNIES. I KNOW THE CHINCHILLA IS THE BEST, BUT YOU CAN AT LEAST MAKE AN ATTEMPT WITH BUNNIES, BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE HE LIKES THOSE TOO. THAT’S THE ONE THING I REFUSE TO DO. THE TRUTH FUCKING ALWAYS SUCKS. THAT’S WHY I AVOID IT. JUST ADDS MORE PROBLEMS. I AM PERFECTLY CALM, I’M JUST GIVING YOU A WARNING. AND I’M PERFECTLY AWARE THAT IT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING, WHICH IS WHY I SAID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

!

THAT’S ALRIGHT. I COULD JUST PUT YOU ON THE COUCH. YOU’RE NOT AN IDIOT. WE JUST HAVE DIFFERING PERSONALITIES AND OPINIONS. I’LL BE SURE TO BRING IT UP. HE BETTER NOT DARE TO PRESENT HIMSELF WITH HAIR LIKE THAT. I WON’T ALLOW IT. IT’S HORRIBLE… WELL… THAT’S NOT EXACTLY EVERYTHING. I WAS THE ONE WHO JUMPED OUT OF OUR TIMELINE. SEE, WE… IT WAS THE SAME AT FIRST, BUT THEN I TIME SKIPPED AND LEARNED THINGS I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEARNED. THAT’S WHAT CHANGED ME. BUT I’M GLAD TO BE MY OWN PERSON. I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE FEELING. AND NO, I’M NOT JUST SAYING THAT. I REALLY DO UNDERSTAND. BUT YOU CAN’T CONTINUE TO BLAME YOURSELF FOR SOMETHING YOU WEREN’T EVEN THERE TO STOP. YOU DIDN’T KNOW TO BE THERE. IF YOU HAD KNOWN, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.

THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. PEOPLE NEED TO CALM THEIR SHIT AND LET YOU CALM YOURS. OH… THAT’S SOMETHING I CAN GET. THE, UH… SEX THING. IT PISSES ME OFF. BUT THAT SOUNDS… AWFUL… HOW DO YOU EVER KNOW THAT ISN’T EVERYONE’S TRUE INTENTIONS? WHAT IF A RELATIONSHIP ISN’T EVER ABOUT THE OTHER? I DON’T… DON’T LIKE THAT. I DON’T LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL, FUCK THAT SHIT… THIS IS WHY I DITCHED EVERYONE, DAMN IT. ALRIGHT, THEN. THAT SOUNDS NICE. I’M NO ANGEL, BUT WOULD IT SORT OF BE LIKE ME AND TREEKAT? YEAH, HE PUTS UP LOTS OF BUNNY PICTURES. THANKS. I’LL BE SURE TO TRY THAT AS WELL. LOTS OF FLUFF PUFF STUFF. I BELIEVE HE NEEDS TO KNOW THE TRUTH TO EVERYTHING. I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT IT REALLY DOES HELP. IT HELPED ME. BUT KARKAT, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! D8B

..??? 

Treenut testicles I just
Anonymous

NO. NONONONONO. YOU STOP THAT. I MEAN IT.

GO EDUCATE YOURSELF ON TROLL ANATOMY AND COME BACK LATER BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A CONVERSATION I’M HAVING AND YOU TOOK IT A STEP TOO FAR, FRIEND.

Futurekat, is everything chrome in the future?

YES.

standbywarrior:

I’m sorry but I juST?

TREENUTS ARE THE FRUIT OF TREES THAT DON’T PRODUCE FRUITS LIKE APPLES, ORANGES, PEARS, ETCETERA… TREENUTS ARE JUST NUTS THAT GROW ON TREES AND FUNCTION AS A SEED IF CORRECTLY PLANTED, BUT MOST PEOPLE JUST CRACK THEM OPEN AND EAT THEM. THEY’RE VERY GOOD FOR YOU.

AND NO. THEY ARE NOT MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS. SO PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THINKING SO! THANK YOU!!!!!

Current Allikat Mood:

jj5x5:

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